*Ashley's Pitas*

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alessondra and me
well, i haven't written in forever,so i thought i would since i am sitting here alone on friday, april 26, 5 days before my birthday. allie hasn't talked to me in months now, and today she did. i almost died of a heartattack. it was one of those moments where i just wanted to cry, hug, and apologize, but of course i did none of the above. sometimes i don't even understand myself. i try so fucking hard for people to love me,and the very second they do, i push them so hard that i don't even know why they fight it. i can't think of one person who i haven't pushed away, i would make a list, but i am already crying, and that would just perpetuate the problem. i wish more than anything that i would have asked her to do something with me, i should have invited her to the mall to help me shop for prom shoes. i wait until everything is messed up beyond fixing before i even do anything. school is almost over, and i refuse to leave with allie not talking to me. that is ridiculous, and i love her to pieces, she has been my bestgood friend for three years, and i treated her pretty shitty, i don't really blame her for not talking to me. i mean, it is really about time someone did it to me too. it is kind of crazy, because i still read her pitas just like we were friends, i never once stopped,hahah, i am such a loser. i am going to stop here, because i know that no one reads this or cares for that matter. i am sorry for all that it is worth, ashley.

i can't stay away
well, i think my plan worked. no one reads my pitas anymore, because i never write in them, but now i am going to write in them for me. not because some one tells me that i need to, but because i need to write in here. i always have, and i can't just leave this behind. it has so much of me in it now, that it would be stupid to leave. i love the way things used to be, but now they are different. i shouldn't ignore them just because of that. i have talked to dav so much lately, it is god for both of us to be bestfriends again. i missed it too much. ron is still grounded, and we never see eachother outside of school, that sucks. but soon, hopefully, he will be ungrounded. anyways, i have been depressed lately, and now it is better. i had a super good night last night, everything is pure. and that is always good. i love you, ash.

This time I mean it.
Well, this is my end. There will no longer be pitas here, so don't bother checking anymore. Things change, and so do I. This isn't me anymore. I talked to david just now, and I realized that I am so far from being a good friend. He couldn't care less that we don't talk, and I should just let it be forever. But I can't, I used to be able to tell him everything, now I can't tell him what I am even doing for the weekend. It makes me sad that he isn't the person he used to be, but I'm not either. He changed for th wrong reasons, and now I am sad. I wish I could change the way things had to turn out. So that we could at least talk if we ran into eachother out, but we can't. I miss David as my friend, and I probably always will because he isn't gong to be that ever again. I am really wishing that Ron was here today, I really need a hug. But I will see him on tuesday, so it's all good. I love you soo much Ron, and I will talk to you in a little bit. Ash.

Ball Hair
yeah well, i would write in here more, but it isn't like people read this anymore anyways. there is really no point, i am really sad that pitas aren't what they used to be. i mean, they used to be me, everything i thought and did was in my pitas. but now, i write here and there. when i have the chance. but it isn't the same, something is missing. maybe it is just me. i have changed, for the better so i am not going to complain. ron is gone, and that sucks really bad. i hate not talking to him on the phone. i need to practice my trumpet a super amount this week, i promised. i did today, and i wasn't too bad. i am trying to download some music right now, but it isn't going so good. i wish there was a super good place to download mp3s, that would make my life so much easier right now geez. i slammed peepers in the glass door, he is bleeding. i am a bad pet owner. yesterday mom put him in the dryer, and he went around in it. haha, it isn't his week. oh well, i love you ron. ash

jamisgouge@hotmail.com is my hero
I love you. it kind of sucks that ron is going away and stuff, but i guess i will live. today is christmas eve, and i am not even that excited. weird. i wish i still loved christmas like i did when i was little. gah, that would be great. i finished my shopping yesterday, i did a good job, i got everyone something except for brad. i couldn't find anything for him at all. i feel really bad about it too, because he got me something on his own without help. you know? gosh, i am in such a better mood right now than i was earlier. i wish i could fix ron's dumb step. damn that step. i think i am just going to put all of the presents i bought everyone right out under the tree unwrapped. hahah. that would be funny. man, i just got a freak toe, but it is all good now. i am going to wrap some now, i love you ron. ash

Suck my big juicy man rod
yeah well, i wish i didn't care so much. i hate letting people hurt me so much. it is so frustrating that i let the same people bother me over and over again. i don't understand how you can love someone, and then not talk to them the next week. you are such a fucking dick. why do you act like such a penis for? there is really no need at all, i am a nice kid that deserves so much better than you have have given me. so fuck you and all i have let you do to me.

what's this lucky girl to do
hey. this week has bee so great so far. it is thursday morning, i am going to call ron in a little bit to wake him up. but i thought i would write a little first. yesterday ron and i babysat jackson from 7 to 12, it was so great. i am super glad that we don't have school this week, i needed a break from that crap. i need to buy some new pants today, but i don't think that it is going to happen though. i slept so good last night, i never sleep very well, and last night i didn't wake up once. it was great. you know what is crazy? i have nothing to write about in pitas. well, nothing like big problems or depression anymore. i love that feeling. i have always had like a thing bothering me, but now i don't. and i love ron for that. i love you, ash

the makeout queen
yeah well everything is sooo super these days. i am really happy with everything. my job is going super, i am making some dough so i can buy some great presents this year. i only know what i am getting ron though, and it is great. i am going out with ron, and he is a super sweetie. i love him to death. he is a sucker though, but i wouldn't have it any other way. he worries about me sometimes, but not too much. and i am worrying less and less everyday. that is so great, i haven't cried in forever. it is so crazy how you think that things are great, but when they are over you realize that they weren't all that great. and you feel so lost in unhappiness, but then all the sudden things are better than they have ever been. i love being with ron, he is a super great guy. and i am glad that things are innocent again, i missed it. i don't feel so pressured by things. he is going away for christmas for a little while, but it will be super because i am working some so i can take ron to see jimmy neutron, yeah i am paying. haah, and you can't do anything about it. i need to be doing some homework, so i can be with ron tomorrow after work, but i am in too good of a mood to waste it on papers for dp. haha, i really need to though. so i love you, ash

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